Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
