He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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