There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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