there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize