can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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