I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
id be glad to
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
