We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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