So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
