omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
