After last night, I could never be a politician.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize