I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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