u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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