sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
