do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Panties = found
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
