Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
