the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
