dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The air was thick with penises
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
