By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize