i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
