Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
