guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
