it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize