Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
