guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
