Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
