just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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