Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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