i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
