I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
