you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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