i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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