The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
