i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
