Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
