girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
