Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
