I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize