Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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