i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
