A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
