i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
