I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
