Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
