i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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