So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
