It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
