Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
BRING THE BAGELS
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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