My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
