# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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