My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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