Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
