I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
