New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
