I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
