...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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