he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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