im six kinds of drunk right now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
