Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
