Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
