normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize