I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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