i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
