Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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