I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
