I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
