If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My hand turned me down
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
