if you like me you must not know who I am
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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