Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize