Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
