I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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