Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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