so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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