She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
In other news, I just burned my penis
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
