I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
