WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
