sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
