Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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