best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
COCAINE IS GR8
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
