and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
