how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
