phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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